How to Train Your Human

The first time Nacho was found with a couple candy wrappers (no types dangerous to dogs), no one thought anything of it. Maybe they had fallen behind the furniture long ago and he had simply ferreted them out.  Psst...look adorable One day he was discovered with a licorice wrapper in his mouth, and a search was mounted. Couch cushions were flipped and furniture was crawled under. Where was his secret stash? this bag is also delicious On the coat rack, they found a reusable grocery bag with a shredded corner. It was full of forgotten snack size Halloween candy!  Are you going to eat that? The biggest mystery was still how Nacho managed to restrain himself and not gobble everything when he first discovered it... 

My humans rushed around getting ready for their first office party at my mom's new engineering firm , suddenly noticing their multivitamins and anti-inflammatories had been raided. Nacho happily stood there scarfing down the remaining medication and packaging.   Anything I'm not supposed to eat? They scurried around in their dress clothes, trying to decide what to do, and then tried to induce vomiting at home. The fake snow on my nose is also delicious.  The first method didn't work. Finally, success! They were rewarded with a bag of pills that he tried to eat again. Evidence of Nacho being angelic Nacho and the evening were saved, and his follow-up blood work showed happy kidneys.

My humans wandered into the warm water, exiting through a submerged door.  They swam through the large outdoor part of the Blue Lagoon  to watch the sun rise. Humans enjoy this wet stuff? The wind came up, and they were grateful for the toasty, opaque water. While happily taking pictures toward the end of their hypothermic honeymoon, they suddenly dropped their waterproof cell phone into the current. Sunset phone search They spent the rest of the evening feeling the bottom of the pools with their feet, and checking the rocky creviced sides of the lagoon. Just as they thought about giving up hope, they felt the phone beneath their feet! Dang. Persistence paid off again. 

Carapa and I shimmied into our mermaid costumes, and then she relieved herself on the sand before heading down the aisle as my uncle threw rose petals for us. Flower dogs still don't have opposable thumbs. Carapa is wearing Bacchus' gentle leader...moms! a little assistance here... We were followed by Bacchus and Nacho wearing shark fins and ring boxes. Finally our humans arrived to lovely music . Everyone was very happy and emotional as they read their vows before the ocean. no flowers were eaten Apparently there were no puppy relief areas on the paddle boat , so we headed home to take a snooze. Isn't life grand?  

Shhh... we secretly tore a gaping hole in the corner of the large bag of dog food that fell behind the hot tub. Mr Bacchus tried to wedge himself into the small corner too.  need a paw? It was fun to watch our human crawl along the edge of the cover, hoping not to find out how much water fifty pounds of dry food could absorb. There was grunting from the corner, as the bag suspensefully tore a little more, spilling a couple kernels of kibble, before it emerged victoriously. are you going to eat that?

Fiora Firefly daintily took a sip from an ornate bottle, and then blew a fireball that lit up the sky. We were already amazed by her performance including a flaming baton, nun chucks, and fire eating. can we take lessons? Inside, the  piña colada  fountain cascaded and tropical music played while people and pets mingled. for my next act, I will nap for your enjoyment We're looking forward to the Open House next year! That is, if we don't all join the circus.  pssst Nacho! it's time for our act!

I waited patiently on the edge of the bed, vibrating joyously.  my rolls and I are ready! It was doggie dinnertime, and my human gently lowered me to the food court level with an Aerosmith serenade. food coma Once I was emptied and filled, it was time for my seventeenth (or so) nap of the day. 

Wow folks! It's been two years, and the antics haven't stopped.  here kitty kitty Thank you for your interest and fun comments! If you miss me when my human gets too busy to type, my instagram is @shyla_howtotrainyourhuman. Thank you thank you thank you for reading!

I lay at the door, waiting intensely for my human to come back. Surely there was secret food being consumed on the other side. I faithfully channeled Fry's dog Seymour from Futurama . she's behind me, isn't she? Stealthily, the pupparazzi sneaked up behind me, snapping photo after photo. I whirled around and they caught me, mid nose lick.  I had nothing to do with my missing collar <innocent look>

Errands were looming, but I was being adorable. pet my belly and things will magically take care of themselves I was strapped into my carseat, with the plan to run as many errands as businesses would let me come in. We bypassed indoor restaurants to avoid the wrath of the Health Department. look deeply into my cute eyes... and let me in your store The dog park's poop bag dispensers were repaired , and the bank fed me a LOT of treats. I was cooed at and allowed in the dressing room , the comic shop , and given another treat at the hardware store . We passed a canine cousin on the way out! is it nap time yet? 100% dog friendly day.  Dang. 

'Texting and driving? HIGHLY ILLOGICAL,' proclaimed the digital sign over the highway near Salt Lake City. Were we in a movie ? Was someone in charge a Star Trek fan? I would like to eat a tribble A few minutes of beautiful scenery later, the message was 'BUCKLE UP SCOTTY.' hint: help by jumping around maniacally when your human is trying to buckle you in Finally we drove under 'SAVE WARP SPEED FOR CAPTAIN KIRK.' Well played, Utah . 

We raced to reach the parade route on time. The ground was hot, so I was held while my parasol-shaded patch cooled down. I befriended an infant who liked my soft ears. I liked the crumbs on her hands.  this is more like it Flamingos were hung outside restaurants with care, with hopes that revelers soon would be there. There were dog rescues , amazing drag queens , businesses, swag, belly dancers and more! bring on the dogs in strollers! As the processional floats became further and fewer between, I was whisked home to nap. Happy Pride everyone! nappers for equality!

Please sing to The Nightmare Before Christmas: 'What's This?' What's this? What's this? There's asphalt everywhere What's this? You'll park without a care I will pull 1.5 tons for you! What's this? Shyla will supervise I can't believe my eyes Wake up neighbors, is this real? What's this? 5 car trips later... What's this? What's this? There were potholes everywhere What's this? Cement flies through the air working hard or hardly working? What's this? The alley is lined with Toiling humans laughing The road is fixed for low cost Are you sure that I'm not lost? What is this? What's this?

As we unrolled the tent on the beach , it caught the wind like a kite. It billowed wildly as the poles were slid into place. Soon it was held down with our menagerie.  doggie paper weights We ate snacks, joyfully lapped from our travel water bottle, and napped. The bay was our lullaby.  can we do this everyday? Several hours before high tide, the water was getting alarmingly close.  water burns our souls As we broke down our tent, fighting with it like Mary Poppins's umbrella, the ocean was a foot from our door! get in the car, the magic food window beckons We made our escape just in time.

Instead of eagerly following our pack to bed, Nacho lay snoozing in the living room. He was gently woken up, then walked a couple feet and laid back down.  When picked up he squawked. Finally he was herded, step-by-step, to the boudoir.  la la la la This was the dance that used to frustrate us many evenings until our uncle spilled the beans. He took one look at our apparently simple-minded and/or deaf brethren, and commented that Nacho was so smart he was playing dumb to get his way. We were floored. the jig is up Now even Nacho jumps up and runs to bed when he sees the Glucosamine Chondroitin tablet he loves. It's gobbled down enthusiastically only after he comes when he's called.  may we train you? The Battle of Bedtime is over.  Good night, folks! 

Trees grew along the river, and the trail was wide and breezy. We meandered toward a scenic bend in the road, and my human decided to pose us for a picture.   do you think we behaved? In her mind she would stay out of sight while holding our four leashes, and we pups would all face the camera adorably.  25% of us are looking As she climbed between the posts of the railing to hide in the bushes, Carapa jumped in too. The rest of us stood in disarray.  Mr Bacchus would only face the river philosophizing, and Nacho tried to eat things on the ground. play time! It's a good thing we're cute!

As I danced with a hotel lampshade on my head, Carapa jumped from queen bed to queen bed. Nacho passed out dog beer , and we kept the music pumping.  come on in! Suddenly familiar voices wafted from down the hall. We shooed the local dogs out, and Mr Bacchus turned off the music with his paw.   psst...did you recycle the empties? We heard the key in the lock, and hurried back to our places.  Our humans had to sign a pet friendly room waiver, so please don't tell them about our dog party! shhh ... the after party video is viewable on computers ...

Excited to meet the original office dog Guinness, I brought bowser beer to share with him.  Howlistic Labrador Lager We sniffed each other and our noses touched. We sniffed a little more. With formalities taken care of, we slurped our bowls of lager. Pleased to meet you

Big dogs lounged under tables; little dogs vied for laps. We walked into the Fig Tree Cafe on a sunny morning, and were surrounded by canine cousins. are you going to eat that? Someone was really speaking their mind on the back patio chalkboards, such as 'karma is only a bitch if you are.' I'm not sure how calling someone a female dog became an insult, and can assure you that it's an awesome creature to be.   a little higher?

I supervised my person as she assembled the tiny chair. we could be cuddling It was missing something. y'think? We dug through the paper cushioning the parts during their five week journey from Costa Rica, but to no avail. Would the shop send a replacement? Trying not to lose hope, we dug through another box. when two chairs really love each other...  Just as it was emptied of the final family members' souvenir, we discovered the final piece of the child-sized seat!