How to Train Your Human

It was a wild Friday night. We had a dog party. We (giggle) even took our collars off! My humans sang the dog party song...you should get them to sing it to you...one of my moms definitely doesn't sound like Courtney Love being bludgeoned to death. Streaking! Carapa had one too many chews and had to sleep it off. I love you, man

I was hanging out off leash at a  Phish  show. All of a sudden we were raided by the  Humane Society . I said goodbye to my new friends, including a dancing husky, and ran back to my human before I was caught.    This is where I really was Ha ha ha ha. This was a dream. Obvi. No one in their right mind would let me off leash. The Humane Society does not raid concerts. Didn't Phish retire?

Tantalizing wild life smells were everywhere when we arrived at the hotel. I didn't know where to pee first! The humans soaked in warm pools of icky water (they got in deliberately) while I happily napped. Hot tubs sound awful The next day I had a  puppuccino on our way to  Fiesta Island with my siblings/children. There were so many birds they wouldn't let me chase! omigoodness      

As I ran around the clean bathroom early in the morning blissfully unaware, my human noticed the trail of poopy paw prints I was leaving. Once I was caught, she washed my offending paw and put me back in bed, where I had unfortunately already been.  Will you read me  Poopy Claws? The bed had to be stripped, which explains where my duvet cover went! I suffer so. 

At mealtime we're so EXCITED sometimes it takes a couple tries for us to communicate that we would like to eat. Three of us may sit politely, but often our fourth sibling runs into us and we scatter like bowling pins! Cute, furry, ravenous pins.  Here comes Nacho We love to eat! We love to sleep! We love to walk! We love to cuddle! Commencing twelve hour nap

It was the middle of the night (it was not dark or stormy). Humans and dogs slept soundly. Suddenly I began the pre-vomit retching. Immediately I was grasped from each side and whisked off the bed before my upchuck landed. I feel much better now, thank you How did they do it? Are they ninjas?

What's today? Sunday Fun Day! Goin my way? This morning I brunched at  R Gang Eatery . They have tatter tots stuffed with different cheeses and meats, and a plethora of Bloody Mary options. I'm too young to drink, so I had ice cubes and some soyrizo that landed on the ground. Yum! Slide those leftovers a little closer We went on a walk through the neighborhood and found a branch of the Balboa Trails  we hadn't explored yet that was cool and green. I passed out in my stroller pretty quickly. My human hiked barefoot to try  Earthing . I go out walkin...before midnight... At home we ALL passed out. Tired critters are good critters! Out in the sunlight, just like we used to do

My Grandma wanted to zip line at the  San Diego Zoo Safari Park  for her birthday. Isn't she cool? The park is constantly evolving. You can walk with the lemurs, see baby elephants and a baby rhinoceros, and zip line. The tiger habitat is newly revamped, and baby cheetahs frolic with puppies. Seasonally, there are butterflies that may land on you. They spend $150,000 monthly feeding the animals they conserve! They need your support!  You belong in the zoo Back at the house there were hors d'oeurves. Is it worth having to work for a living to eat whatever you want whenever you like? I'm not sure. My Grandma sent home some beds for us. Zzzzz... More choices!

I can be a gassy little thing. I impress my humans with the silent-but-deadlys that I emit. The other day I managed to hiccup AND fart audibly, in unison. Mad skills, my friends.   Lil ol me cleared the room?

This weekend I surprised my human with a Groupon  staycation at the  Hotel Solamar  for her upcoming birthday. The best part was we all got to accompany her! Sounds relaxing! When we arrived our names were written welcomingly on a fancy sandwich board by the lobby. We got settled while the humans enjoyed complimentary wine, and we enjoyed our treats and beds. Autographed sheets by yours truly Our humans dined, sat by the pool, and cuddled us a lot. They checked out a speakeasy called Prohibition , and danced to   Tiffany Jane and the Kicks. I approve