How to Train Your Human

Nacho staggered into the room, collapsing several times on his way to his bed. My humans rushed to help him, staring in curious horror. Was our ancient pup seriously ill, or had he eaten something again? Think . Psssst...Nacho...here's the plan... So far, 30 pound Nacho had eaten: a bag of Aleve (canine kidney killer) the evening of a company party at a brand new job, a bloodhound's anti-inflammatory (way too much for his tiny liver), and enough clean kitty litter to cause him to wretch and lurch and whine miserably until they once again made him throw up his treasure. Think.   Hey Moksha! Hide your meds the next time you visit. Think . Nacho got up and timbered again. Think . A small smile started playing on my human's face. "He looks like a pup who overdosed on flea medication... but how?" They rummaged through the packaging, checking the safety range. "Even if he ate Bacchus' too, this says it won't kill him or cause any permanen...

Long ago, when our backyard fence was feeble, I watched Shyla hop through one of the large openings. Curious, I followed her, with my human hollering after us. Chase me please! Ever the dutiful pupil, I precariously balanced between the posts of my new fence. By contorting my tiny body, I lowered myself down to the dark part of the yard. As the coyotes hunted and cried nearby, I went on a nocturnal adventure. Let me demonstrate my skills Once I was done with the smells and leaving pee mail around, I stood on the wrong side of the gate and barked indignantly. Tush to tush with my escapee mentor

Neither of my humans realized how much I was eating, and that the other had fed me.  f eed me, Seymour! My humans were so accustomed to me, they didn't notice the rolls of squishy snugly fat appear, rippling off my body and bulging around my collar. Eating as much as their previous big dogs, I obligingly ballooned up. pet my chubby jowels "Is that Shyla?" my grandparents asked in astonishment. this neck roll was tasty "We've never seen a little dog poop that much," my sitters, the stool pigeons, commented. I was put on a diet and slimmed back down. It was delicious while it lasted! #turquoisetails #bcs #bodyconditionscore #howtotrainyourhuman

Following many escapes, my somehow-still-naive human left her kitchen window open. I guess she thought this was safe to do as it was some distance to the window above the kitchen sink <insert dog laughter>.  adventure time! circa 2010 I waited until she was leaving for a long day, and swiftly hopped out of the window. She chased me for a while, but I had things to do! In rare defeat (I made her late many times already, I always came back and was smart about cars, and we lived in a country where dogs ran free), she shrugged and headed off to catch the bus (maxi). Perhaps she thought I would be fretting at the front door later on, lesson learned.  Looking for little ol' me? Once I made sure all was right with the outside world, I jumped back through an even higher window and simply waited for dinner. Inside, I sat lazily relaxing in the kitchen and innocently batted my eyes at her while she gawked at me. Not much surprises my human anymore...