How to Train Your Human

As we sat in the car waiting for our toddler's zillionth Covid test, his eyes fluttered closed. Should we drive around and come back later? Would they do a test on a sleeping kiddo? Would he stay asleep? pretend this picture is of a sleeping three-nager... Watching people in PPE dart between the other parked cars, we realized there would be a wait. This was good. Would it be long enough for a nap? Eventually a kind gentleman in a gown, face mask, and face shield approached us. We explained the situation and he said he swabbed a sleeping baby today and they didn't even wake up. It was worth a try! After the first nostril, Jasper's hands flew up around his face and he rubbed his nose, but he didn't open his eyes. Halfway there! He slept through the second nostril as well! O happy day.  envision me sleeping in the car... We drove home, stopping to grab the mail. My human deliberately didn't close the car door all the way in case the sound woke Jasper up, but the car di...

Mona pranced past the pile of saucy rib bones on the ground outside the supermarket, pausing to try and grab one. We hurried on our walk, wondering who was faster. Would she would need x-rays? Surgery?  They look so innocent when they're asleep On our way back past the scene of the alleged bone devouring, we were comforted by the many rib bones still laying there. My human happily forgot the danger, and went back to work. What do we have here? Five minutes to closing, Mona's muscles clenched. She started salivating. Then the retching began. As quickly as it disappeared, a rib bone hurtled out of her mouth.  You going to eat that? Shocked, we put the bone in a bag of water and put it on the x-ray table with Mona. The rib showed up distinctly, and no more surprises showed up on the radiographs of her cute little body! The moral of the story? Any time we think she may need one, just take the x-ray. Mona's mouth would rival Superman for speed.    Title: quote by Nora Rob...

Screams erupted from down the hall. My Mom rushed out of the bedroom where my grandparents were staying holding one of our missing childhood garter snakes. She didn't answer my grandma when she asked if there were any more loose snakes in the house. "I'm not lying to your mother," she whispered to my dad.  Cuddles with Mustard the albino Burmese python He reassured my grandmother that the other snake was a few doors down, their usual location when they would visit. We hadn't meant for them both to escape right before their stay!  A couple days later, our other snake slithered out between the cereal boxes. Relieved not to be caught in another lie, we ran our missing pet down to the neighbor's!

Seven paws danced around the steaming, delectable travel mug of coffee. The melee intensified when the harnesses came out. Would the sacred beverage survive? Did we really really need a table by the front door?  I hope we're having a puppy... Welcome to...the Coffee Game Show! How do you keep score, you ask?  Instant WIN if you get out out of house and into the car without spilling Minus points for partial spills, including if you pour it out yourself when putting the coffee and the dogs in the car (hint: put the coffee down first...it's too easy to forget about gravity early in the morning) Whammy if a leash freakishly wraps around the coffee cup and knocks if all over, or if your coffee is forgotten at home Bending down to leash up the pups, my brew and their frenzied paws were at eye level.  Mona the tripawd almost stepped on the drink, nestled in the corner. Darting away from her own lead touching her, shy Maya nearly knocked it over. Scooping up leash handles, car ke...

The kitten shook and twitched as we talked to her worried human. Was she poisoned? Did she have a serious birth defect? A liver shunt? Low thyroid? An infection?  Chorizo modeling safe, modern flea control for cats We talked about where to start with testing, but first, was there any over-the-counter, non-veterinary obtained flea control applied? Some canine flea control had been used on the kitten the day before the seizure-like episodes started!  Voltaire happy he wasn't in the tub Gratefully, we bathed the kitten in Dawn dish soap and gave her medication to quiet her nervous system. Fluids helped her liver finish breaking down the toxin and flush it out. Her cute little body calmed down, and she returned home to her relieved family.