How to Train Your Human

We trotted along with our human enjoying the sunshine and answering lots of 'pee-mail' (re-marking areas other dogs had recently peed). She put a white envelope in a big blue box and then jumped. Her ballot was wedged between the blue mailbox flap and some metal crimping inside the box! Would the mail carrier free it when the mail was picked up in an hour and a half?  Can dogs vote?  After mail pickup, we peaked through the mailbox flap opening. The ballot was still there! My human tried to dislodge it through the narrow opening with a stick, but could only move it back and forth, not down.  During our next attempt, this time with a cat dancer wand, an SUV made a U-turn and drove by the box rather slowly. Would we be Nextdoor'd as mail thieves?  Happily, the ballot was dislodged. We never did check whether we had been identified as imaginary blue box bandits. 

"Is Maya missing?" Claire, Sky Blue the Aussie's human asked over the Ring camera speaker. Looking down at Maya, glued to her calf, Melissa said "No, she's right here." Suddenly remembering that the neighbor's pest control company had accidentally come to our house instead, our human ran out to the backyard. The side gate was open!  The next morning on our walk, we got the lowdown.   Who, me? "You were right! After you left, I found an open side gate! The wrong pest control company sprayed our backyard yesterday." Melissa reported to Claire.  "Georgia found her, and she wouldn't go home, but followed her to my house! We couldn't catch her." My human was flabbergasted. Maya had gotten out before, but would usually sit at our front door losing her mind until she was let back in. She had gone all the way to the cul-de-sac a block away! "Thank you so much for helping Maya get home safe!" my human called out when we ran i...

As we were finishing helping a little baby skunk, the scent of onion napalm filled the hospital. We cleaned his skunked-on adorable tummy, changed our scrubs, and tried to contain the Bog of Eternal Stench in one room. I eat pests, you're welcome The rest of the day clients made weed jokes, and we tried to air everything out / burn scented candles / spray Lysol. We imagined whose spouses would make them sleep on the couch (hint: mine had trouble falling asleep but didn't 86 me). The next morning, still smelling like skunk after changing my backup scrubs and bathing, it was time to get serious. Mixing up 1/4 cup baking soda, 2 tablespoons dishwashing soap, and a quart hydrogen peroxide, I washed my hair with dog deskunking solution. It worked! I hope... let me know...

Jasper's 4-year-old face lit up when we passed the throw the ping pong ball into the tiny fish tank openings game with live goldfish as prizes. I won my first goldfish at my elementary school Halloween carnival, and my parents were stuck buying it an aquarium.  Poor saps.   We explained to him that the games were very hard to win, because the booth owners had bills to pay too, and they couldn't make a living if everyone who played won. We really didn't want a fish, but he had been asking for one for months, and the odds seemed ever in our favor.  The entire basket of balls predictably bounced off the empty fish tank goals. There were tears, and the sweet carni gave him extra balls. After these careened away from their mark, Jasper sobbed even harder.   At this point, the poor man handed him a fish in a tiny plastic tank anyway. Jasper immediately dropped it on the ground.  We grabbed it, saving half the water and the poor feeder fish. We said our than...

"Should I run back inside for your water?" I naively asked my almost 4-year-old human while leaving the house.  "No," Jasper answered (lied? said truthfully but soon forgot?).  A happier car ride with room temperature water 5 minutes later, he shrieked, "Mommy! I'm thirsty!"  I handed him my ice water and he predictably exclaimed, "It's too cold!" Hanging out my car door at the drive through throwing the ice into the planter, cold water sloshed into my lap and into my phone case. I tried not to scream in surprise into the ear of the poor person trying to take our order.  I grabbed a towel and drove to the window, but couldn't get the app to open because the phone was wet. Dismantling the phone case and drying the phone, I finally paid for our food.  My pups batted their low maintenance eyelashes sympathetically.  I'll drink from a puddle

We parked near the trailhead, and docile bees immediately swarmed our tailpipe. Turning off the car didn't dissuade them, so we shooed them out of the car (we hoped) and tried to convince the dogs they should not eat the flying jalapeno raisins.  We shimmied down the wash into the slot canyon. Is Maya part gazelle?  Jasper (3 1/2 years) was delighted by the many toddler-size caves, and happily looked for bears.  Cypress (8 months) babbled at the siltstone that ranged from gorgeous wind and water-formed passages to a boulder suspended Indiana Jones -style above our heads.  The scene I picture while trying to transfer this sleeping baby into his crib Back at the car, the bees continued their love affair with our exhaust pipe. Several of them tried to hitchhike back with us, but obligingly flew back out as the dogs playfully tried to eat them. Why o why didn't we bring Benadryl? Everywhere? Always?* *no one was stung during this adventure...it was a small children and f...

"There seems to be an extra...opening... on my dog's butt," reported the concerned pet parent. A happier day...Fiesta Island! Sure enough, there was! Eleanor Puppington's anal gland was ominously red and swollen.  She had been scooting and licking, and her human was very worried. As we sedated her and flushed out the contents of the abscess, putrid material shot out several feet, almost landing on someone walking by. Is this what the Bog of Eternal Stench smelled like?  We filled the offending gland with soothing medication and woke up her royal pupness. She gave the opening one last relieved lick, and snuggled up to head home.  #turquoiseanimalhospital #tah #pets #iloveveterinarymedicine