How to Train Your Human

Dear Boss, Please excuse my human from work.  We have lots of snuggling to catch up on. Sincerely, Dr Shyla I'm more fascinating than this warm thing #CallingInSick #Pies #SnuggleYourPet #Shyla

My humans watched me climb head first into the blanket.  Why do I do these things deliberately?Was my head cold?  The lights too bright?  The reality tv so inane? Don't be jealous of my lipomas Then I heard something.  Was it food being procured?  Time to go to bed?  A chew?  These are a few of my favorite things. My name is Shyla I began battling the once comfortable, inviting blanket.   My strategy involved escaping head first.  Surely I would triumph! You tangled my ancestors I managed to stand, yet still could not be free of my worthy adversary. Prepare to die There is no yard that can contain me.  Who knew the humans only needed a blanket to vanquish me? Houdini called he wants his blanket back I admitted defeat and thought about taking a nap.    #PrincessBride #BlanketDefeat #EscapeArtist #HoudiniDog

The fastest route between two points is a line, so forgive me if I annihilate the house or interrupt your reading. Is it the weekend yet? I was thirsty, so ran across my human's arms between her face and book to my bowl (there are only three water dishes in my house and two in my yard so you can see how urgent my thirst can become). This textbook is cruel and unusual punishment Popcorn fell on the ground, so I ran across my canine siblings to eat it.   Dunkin Donuts bags were on the coffee table, so I climbed on to help myself (illegal!). What do we have here? The other night I spronged over the back of the couch and treadmill because it was the closest route to a nap. Sprong champion Never mind that I often misjudge distances and my humans try to catch me as I fall, I'm trying to out sleep the koala! Closer to the edge than she appears #Sprong #SleepChampion #DunkinDonuts #CatchMe

My human and I like to read Trader Joe 's Fearless Flyer (no they're not sponsoring my blog...I will accept cookies).  I live with vegetarians, so sneak some meaty check marks on the enclosed shopping list.  For some reason my items do not appear in my mouth.   Dramatization based on real events A piece of pineapple with pizza sauce landed on my bum the other day.  There was laughter until I realized my good fortune, and manuveured to reach the delicious morsel. This is a reenactment...with egg #TraderJoes #FearlessFlyer #LivingWithVegetarians #PineapplePizza #BreakfastBurrito #LaFuentes

Why am I so tuckered out?  In addition to worrying so that my humans don't have to, I'm busy setting up  Turquoise Animal Hospital 's  online pharmacy !   Typity typity zzz Relax at home and your furry/ feathered/ scaled (et cetera) companion's medication will arrive at your door!  I offered to deliver items myself, but I may get distracted by all the delicious restaurants on the way... Get in my belly #OnlinePharmacy #FrenchGourmet #Barkey #Heidis #LoveTacoShops

Today was Turquoise Animal Hospital 's fourth annual Exotics Expo!  I was not invited.  I suspect this was due to an Incident.  I caught a wild iguana's tail and proudly paraded around with it flapping in my mouth.  I didn't realize the ig got away, and my human was relieved.   Trench will follow you around like a dog...if you have a banana There were birds, bunnies, a rosy boa, tortoises, a tarantula, geckos, a frog, a Yorkie dressed like a skunk, and an iguana who hung out in the front planter.  There was a lady doing animal acupuncture and reiki!  Amazing. Hazie Mae rocks her nail polish Malformed rosy boas need love too Thank you to all the wonderful employees, family, friends, volunteers, caretakers, rescuers, organizations, and critters! Thank you Project Wildlife ,  Reiki for all Creatures , and  Parrot Education and Adoption Center  (PEAC). Some cockatoos walk into a bar #ProjectWildlife #Reiki #ReikiFor...

I'm a champion napper, especially if I can find a sleeping nook.  Humans are busy busy busy, so if one holds still you should curl up on/against them. Stay. They may think they need to disturb your adorable slumber (they're hungry? full of urine?). Don't give up...once they change positions or hold still again, they're yours! Side spoon. #HumansMakeGoodFurniture #SnuggleYourDog #ChampionNapper #SleepingNook

I've noticed that my humans sometimes have trouble picking out their clothes.  I only wear clothes for warmth or to increase my appeal, which is hard to do. Never trust animated people I'm slightly barrel-chested, so outfits sometimes have to be modified to fit me.  This has gotten me wondering...what do large dogs wear?  If lil ol me wears a medium, what would a dashing Great Dane wear?  Or a rottie who wants to be all the rage?  A modish mastiff?   A contemporary cane corso? I'm twenty pounds wearing a 'large' Although my fur covers up my lumps and bumps, I know that humans feel self-conscious about their perceived physical defects.  I encourage all you humans to embrace the self worth your pet feels!  I don't blame you for wishing you were as cute as your companion, but as long as you pet my belly, you're great in my book. #SelfWorth #GumbyPokey

I hail from Trinidad, where you say 'parliament' if someone gets up and you take their seat. A clean couch is a wonderful place to chew until it's gooey I've taken this to a new competitive level, as I'll squeeze behind my humans just as they're sitting down to lean against the back of the couch or headboard. You weren't done making my bed? Someone else's seat is always better. #Parliament #ChewOnTheCouch #CompetitiveSeatStealing #SeatThief