How to Train Your Human

<entertaining videos below if you view on a computer> My human thought it would be adorable to give us treats from our stockings while filming. Nacho lunged for the delicious holiday rawhide hanging out of his green glittery stocking. Suddenly his paw caught in the hanger, he shrieked, pooped on the kitchen floor, and Carapa ran off with his chew.

She's asleep when you are sleeping She's asleep when you're awake She's asleep whether you've been bad or good So pet her belly for goodness sake Where is Nacho?

My human frantically checked the bottom of her shoes, and our paws. There was not just poop in the hallway, but dented poop in the hallway. who stepped in it? Of all the paws and feet in our household, was someone accidentally spreading the stinky surprise? erm, I'm still cute Once every one's appendages were examined and no more unpleasantness was discovered, my people were pretty relieved. With two ancient pups in our pack, we're aiming happily low!

My paw plunged into the squishy clay for reasons unknown to me.  crafting with critters Last year my human got an ornament kit for the holidays, and they finally made it tonight.  this looks delicious I would rather have eaten it.

My human thought she turned the oven on, but it didn't heat up.  She assumed she set the temperature but forgot to actually turn it on until it happened again. The internet recommended a new bake element, but it stayed cold. good luck! After more troubleshooting and colorful language, a new control board was installed. The connections on the replacement part didn't match exactly, so they turned on the power while aiming an extinguisher. It worked and nothing caught on fire! anyone need their day saved?

Road trip! This time one of my moms sat in the backseat. Nacho and Bacchus slept with their heads on her lap. magic food window Our Gpa generously settled us into his room because it has direct access to his HUGE backyard.  where are the cats? We sniffed every stone, and barked at the German shepherd in the corner.  sunbathing is the best Our humans like when we make a ruckus. They feel it endears us to the neighbors.

I hurtled enthusiastically toward the bed ... and my leg caught in the frame. I fell back, shrieking and biting the air (not my finest moment). My mom managed to release my trapped limb while avoiding my teeth, and snuggled me on the bed. Carefully, gently, she felt my joints and bones. Everything seemed intact but swollen. I let them ice me briefly, and then lost interest in licking a cube.  very graceful I ran around without limping, and managed to get BOTH my legs stuck in the bed frame next. All the covers were stuffed in the narrow gap afterward. It was up to me to keep my humans warm! I will be your covers

Rounding the corner, my dog buddy hot on my heels, I spronged onto the bed and noticed the puparazzi. My human was laying in wait to record my mighty leap and I fell into her trap.  Shylarazzi I evade the camera in many ways: wiggling, looking away, immediately stopping adorable activity ... this is what I really look like Clever people have invented hand-carried devices for documenting cuteness. I will foil you all!

Like a slinky, I snooze in any position I end up in. hind foot on my neck, totally normal My uncomfortable-looking contortions and gassy nature have earned me the nickname Flatulent Pretzel. Come closer and I may cough- or hiccup-fart on you. Luckily I'm shameless.

A fan whirred, and suddenly Jabba the Hutt was in our living room.  Bacchus photo bomb My humans had a space-themed Halloween party to go to and needed our help. Luckily the Princess Leia bra kept falling off me, so I was off the hook. Plan B only required my picture. Jabba meets his match We inspected the chewable props they were sewing, and Nacho stole one ... or a couple ...  trouble with tribbles

My humans raced through the windy roads leaving Palm Springs. Their weekend revolved around the Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Desert Ramblin' N' Gamblin' Rodeo , but I had other plans. what do we have here? We've been binge watching the Blacklist , and I've learned a thing or two about germ warfare. I sprinkled some flu on my Uncle Scott , and a sore throat on one of my moms, and they came home early!  petting my belly is the antidote Time to snuggle them all better. 

My uncle refurbished a hot tub and brought it over. He forgot the door to the motor, and I immediately crawled inside the housing! My humans were less than thrilled by my maneuver ... they used the cover to block my hidey hole. is this my new home? Would the jacuzzi be used for its intended purpose, or a stair to help me jump over the fence? Would my moms ever get out of the warm water, or sit in it for the rest of their lives? They're wondering if pizza can be delivered to the backyard. whatcha doin?

There once was a dog named Goldypaws. Or Shylalocks. You choose.  Her human received a soft blanket as a gift, and this little dog loved it so much. She would ignore everything else (except food) once she touched it. She was enchanted.  One day her other human came home with a very soft blanket also. Now our heroine had two choices!  did it hurt? when you fell from heaven? Shylapaws was not the best at sharing, which is odd because she only weighed twenty pounds. Eventually, tired of being cold, a third blanket was purchased. new! blanket shaped like your dog But which one should Goldyshy lay on? Life is full of important choices.  blankets of dreams

My humans swaddled me in my favorite blanket, then hurried to snap my photo. I look away and bathe or wiggle for photos. Could I be America's Next Top Dog Model ? do my bidding

My house is full of light switches .  thrift store chic And fixtures. And a hodgepodge of energy squandering bulbs. My human got super efficient can lights, which was a saga on its own. In June.  yellowed plastic space alien looking thing on my chaise Today she climbed up on a barstool and installed them. Finally. I helped. By noshing on my chew and not tripping her.  99% of my pics are blurry

The yoga mats were out and the class started online. I laid on my human, snuggling with all my might, but my human wouldn't stay. do you mean doga? The bath was bubbling, Modern Family was on, and there was vegan cheesecake. I gave my human my cutest stare, trying to save her from terrible water, but my human wouldn't stay.  sleep in piles of my fur! I laid on the unmade bed, thwarting every attempt to put on clean sheets. When things were back in place, my human FINALLY stayed. so helpful

Cramps! Ouch! Oof! Ugh! I am very warm and like to snuggle. You can cuddle me when and where you hurt.   is this the spot?

Recently my grandfather moved closer. Hooray! This weekend he was out of town, so we fed his cats. We used to be strays, and acknowledge three categories: people, other dogs, and anyone else is food. Nacho is very sweet, but ate a wild rat like a taco.  going to grandpa's! When we arrived after our road trip (Carapa barked at the border patrolman), the cats were herded into their rooms so we could safely be led through the house. We nearly stole cat food (aka chocolate cake for dogs). The backyard was HUGE and we happily ran around sniffing and peeing. A close eye was kept on me since I'm a notorious chainlink fence climber.  hmmm... escape or lay in bed? I sampled the kitty litter while my human cleaned it up, and Nacho got into a closet containing a huge delectable bag. Bacchus caught his leash on a folded up bed frame and the closet door. The bold cat Loco kept an eye on our door, and we eagerly smelled the delicious kitty scents underneath.

We pulled up to the magic food window, and my human jokingly read the meaty breakfast options to me. I would like a bacon latte! meaty cheesy croissant?

I ran around to my usual side of the big bed, spronged, hit the side of the bed and slid off. Apparently my human was sick of me landing on her while she was asleep. My throne was moved to the foot of the bed, but I'm stuck in my routine. this is where it usually is... Bacchus has also taken advantage of the move. He hopped up on the big bed to let our moms know it was breakfast time! They tried to train me, giving me treats when I used the new location. I should take a long time to catch on <wink>.

This weekend we went on a family vacation to Ft Bragg to see the sea glass. can you believe we're all sort of looking at the camera? We stopped many times to urinate in new places along the coast. When my humans dashed out to grab food for themselves (they packed our kibble), I was unhappy and did some minor damage to the already dilapidated hollow bathroom door. We glued it back together, and it looked better than when we arrived.  my pawwork We went to Noyo Dog Beach , strolled through the neighborhood, and went sea glass hunting. The International Sea Glass Museum was even pet friendly, but this sounded dangerous. The beach glass sites used to be a dump, and the ocean has ground down the glass that was once trash into treasure! Isn't nature amazing? Noyo Dog Beach

Fiesta Island is dog paradise. The fenced in dog park is off leash 24 hours and ends at the ocean. Dogs frolic in the sea, sand, and brush. We hear there are foxtails to avoid.   sitting on my human = happiness We found a rotting fish carcass. Trash cans and other dogs were sniffed. Bacchus waded for the first time. Nacho was curious about the water but ran away from the foam on the edges of the ripples, and tried to go home with strangers. Carapa was polite when she really wanted to BARK. I was off leash for the first time, and didn't run away. Bunnies hopped away happily as we left. not sure if this is ok...

For my latest in human entertaining, I've refrained from escaping from our backyard. They like to recount my numerous adventures jumping through windows, climbing fences, shimmying through the drain, and disappearing when it's most inconvenient (for example on moving day ... my human had to go back to our old house to find me).  very funny Yesterday Nacho created a diversion by pooping in the living room (he gets very excited at walk time and there are mere seconds to get him outdoors to go ... he's ancient like me). When my mom tried to toss the bag onto the front porch, I saw my opportunity and made a break for it, then casually sauntered down the front steps with my leash trailing behind me. reenactment  I may have taught them a little too well, because I was calmly followed to the sidewalk and my leash stepped on to halt me. It helps that I never try to play in traffic. You're welcome.

Bacchus, Nacho, and Carapa grabbed their chews and ran to their cave bed. I happily gnawed on mine in my crate so bossy pants Carapa wouldn't try to steal it (I may be old, but I will throw down).   we mostly love each other Seconds later Nacho was running back and forth and back and forth, chewless. Sometimes he drops things. My human followed his route a couple times without finding anything. Could Bacc or Carap have already finished theirs and stolen his? a little help here It wasn't anywhere along the way, and each of us appeared have only our one rawhide. Curiouser and curiouser, my mom poked around Bacchus with her toe while he happily chomped away. When she examined Carapa, she found her laying on Nacho's chew! I told you she was sneaky.

Happy happy Dog Day! There were so many cute pictures of people's beloved dogs on the interwebs today. My humans snuggled us a lot, gave us chews, and we relaxed in air conditioning. I stole my mom's spot in the morning, and fell asleep before she could stretch her legs out on the bed at night.  isn't every day our day? We made cupcakes, and got some delicious crumbs. Nom nom nom.

An important looking screw hit the ground, and the pin slid out precariously from the heavy hinge on the autoclave door. My antsy human and I waited for it to cool down, and attacked the project armed with dubious internet advice.  if it's not broken, don't fix it twice We reattached the hinge, but couldn't decide if it was even. In a moment of misguided thoroughness we removed the entire heavy door, learning that aligning both hinges was tougher than one. I danced around for moral support until it was done.  wiggling = helping